Here’s a little story for you.
I once knew this wonderful woman. Let’s call her Anne.
Her mother, a delightful lady in her late 80s, was diagnosed with dementia.
But, as Anne painfully discovered, dementia is more than just memory loss.
Her once sweet-natured mother transformed into a mean, abusive person who hardly resembled the woman that had raised her.
Image by Adriano Gadini from Pixabay
Now, I can hear your collective gasps, the shock rippling through your minds.
Dementia? Mean?
No, it couldn’t be!
But yes, my friends, it can be. A heartbreaking reality of dementia is that it can manifest itself in aggressive and mean behaviors that could make the devil blush.
But before you panic, or worse, start Googling ‘demon exorcism,’ there’s good news. Managing mean dementia behavior is far from impossible.
All it takes is understanding, patience, and a few practical strategies.
First things first, why does dementia take our loved ones and spit them back out with a personality reminiscent of a cantankerous old mule?
Mostly, it’s because their world is changing in ways they can’t comprehend. They’re scared, confused, and feel threatened.
So, they lash out.
You’d be grumpy too if your mind was playing tricks on you, right?
Now, let’s walk through these strategies, so you can become the ‘Dementia Whisperer.’
1. Ease Tensions and Stay Composed
Ever tried arguing with a brick wall? It’s just as effective as arguing with someone suffering from dementia.
So, instead of butting heads, diffuse the situation with a calm, soothing voice. Or engage them in calming activities.
Make Bob Ross proud, friends.
2. Provide Soothing Assurance While Identifying Sources of Discomfort
Mean behavior might be their way of communicating discomfort or fear.
Kind reassurances and gentle probing could uncover a physical ailment or an overwhelming fear they’ve been wrestling with.
3. Monitor and Steer Clear of Potential Stimuli
Is there a pattern to the mean behavior?
Does it occur more frequently during bath time?
Maybe they’re uncomfortable being undressed.
Identifying these triggers is like getting the cheat codes for a video game.
4. Investigate the Possibility of a Urinary Tract Infection
Believe it or not, UTIs can cause behavioral changes in dementia patients. It’s like adding fuel to the already raging fire.
If meanness increases suddenly, get a UTI checked off the list.
5. Think About Enrolling in an Adult Care Program
Yes, you’re trying to care for your loved ones, but even Superman needs a day off.
Adult day programs offer therapeutic and health services, giving you a break and offering them the stimulation they need.
6. Participate in a Caregiver Assistance Group
Sometimes, you need a shoulder to cry on.
Or just someone who won’t judge when you want to scream into a pillow.
Caregiver support groups offer a safe place to share experiences and gain advice.
7. Seek Support from Loved Ones and Professional Assistance
Rely on your tribe.
Family, friends, and home health aides can provide the respite you need.
Remember, this isn’t admitting defeat; it’s a smart strategy.
Back to our friend Anne.
After she’d tried all these strategies, something surprising happened. Her mother’s mean behavior didn’t disappear entirely, but it lessened significantly.
But here’s the clincher: one evening, her mother looked at her and said, “Thank you, dear. I know this is hard for you.”
That moment, Anne said, made all her efforts worth it.
Dealing with mean dementia behavior is tough. There’s no denying that.
But you can navigate through the murky waters with patience, understanding, and the right strategies.
And who knows? You might even find moments of connection and clarity that make your heart sing.
But remember, you absolutely do not need to do this alone.
